Sometimes you think you are really alone then you find out you are not. Sometimes when you are surrounded by crowds and voices you feel alone. Lately, I'm getting new opportunities to appreciate the subtle shades of this solo, sometimes "so low" life.
Lots of women have gone before me on their own. As I look to those with more experience at it I think of our Secretary of State,
Condoleeza Rice. She seems pretty cool. Whether or not you agree with her politics, or like her boss, you must admit, she has accomplished quite a lot. From what I understand she has never been married. I've read that she works out every day and is in excellent health, she is an excellent pianist and a committed to her faith. She seems to me to smile often. She travels all over the world and gets to hang with some powerful people.
Another cool single woman that comes to mind is actually fictional. She could turn the world on with her smile and take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile. Yes, I'm speaking of Mary Richards of the Mary Tyler Moore Show. One of my heroines in the 70's because she had such a cool apartment. I loved her apartment, the first one, with the fold out bed and the kitchen pull-down-window-thingy. I read once that the original concept for the show involved Mary being divorced--thus the move to Minneapolis. The network went for the jilted fiance' theme since at that time divorcee's were not so easily accepted by the public and Mary's life was complicated by the fact she was once the TV wife of Dick Van Dyke. Even though her name was Laura then and they lived in New Rochelle, NY, It was felt that the viewing public couldn't handle the divorce of Rob and Laura. But Mary was cool, and independent. If nothing else she was cool because she lived in Minnesota.
Another cool single lady is the Statue of Liberty. She hangs out all alone on that little Island and has
welcomed many weary immigrants to our shores. It must be cold for her up there in New York Harbor. Perhaps she should put in for a transfer to Miami, since it probably
exceeds Ellis Island in the numbers of newcomers floating ashore. She could spearhead one hell of a welcome wagon there.
A favorite icon of mine is the Plaza Tire Lady in Peoria Illinois. (picture posted here) She wears that glossy red bikini all year round and has done so since the 1960's! Just today in Peoria it is about 20 below zero, or it feels like it to me. She stands proud on the south end of Peoria reminding all of us why we never go down to that part of town unless we need cheap tires. But she does it with class in her red high heels - teaching all us girls that no matter how bad our life is -- it could be worse. She also reminds me that there are better places to live than Peoria, Illinois. But that's a subject for another blog.
I've always wondered how I would handle being alone. I left my parent's house at age 19, married at age 21 and divorced at 44. Nearly three years into my solo flight I have to say it's not so bad. Even fun sometimes. Friday, February 8
th was an interesting day.
I wanted to make the most of my day off work so.... I slept until about 10am. I remember thinking how nice it was that I don't have to consider another person's schedule and get up early
for them or be irritating
to them if they didn't appreciate my sloth. After making my coffee I sat at the computer and began planning my upcoming vacation. I outlined the perfect itinerary and booked a little house on an island at the N.Carolina shore. I'm quite excited about the long drive with my dog, Kramer. The thought of vacationing alone, which I have done before, sounds exciting. I would worry about my safety a little. But I've got my 75lb Boxer with me. People who don't know dogs think he is a pit bull or something. that's OK with me. I know he's really timid and probably wouldn't be much of an attack dog. But I
think he'll scare
weirdos away.
By late afternoon I was getting bored, it being February and all, so I went to do some errands. The thing I was most excited about was going to the Jewelry store. A friend, of the male variety, had bought me a very nice bracelet for Christmas. I loved it, and it was special to me because he gave it to me, but it had a clasp that was difficult to manage alone. I guess it was a two-person-bracelet. Now, it seems, I need a one-woman-bracelet. After a few minutes of frustrating the sales lady, (she probably wasn't getting commission on an
exchange), I found the perfect replacement for my bracelet. Lucky for the sales associate it cost a little more than the one I brought back.
I had in mind to see a particular movie at 7:00. If I rushed from the Jewelers I would just make it. However, I was distracted by some great sales in the clothing department at a nice department store in the mall. I didn't find anything I liked, but it was worth looking. As I passed the cosmetics counter I remembered that I'd been having a heck of a time finding a good mascara. I decided to try one of the more expensive labels that require the in-store consultant to sell you one of those little boxes with the shocking price tags. After explaining my mascara travails to this nice woman, probably also a really cool single woman, she actually gave me free sample. Some might not think the small tube would go far, but I can make it last for months. She also showed me some other nice things and told me about an upcoming sale. It is all way too expensive. But it's nice knowing that I can make that decision on my own, with out consulting anyone else who might share my bank account.
Due to my distraction I missed the start of the film I wanted so I had to chose another. I made a really bad choice. Half way through the movie and my popcorn I decided to just leave. wow! amazing! I could just leave the middle of a movie. no one to consult or
disappoint. I just left. I decided that I made a mistake spending the 7 bucks on that flick -- but it was my mistake. My time was valuable, especially since I had to work the next day and sleep was more important than an awful movie.
Shortly after I arrived home my son came home from a night out with his friends. We had a nice talk about school and some things he needs to be working for this spring before applying for universities in the fall. I finally went to bed at midnight-- thinking how great I was going to sleep until the alarm went off at 6am.
I was wrong. And what happened at two am was the real test of how cool I was as a single lady. I awoke with an alarm inside my chest as my heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and I found it difficult to breathe or talk. I told myself to remain calm as I found some clothes to put on. boy, I wished I had shaved my legs -- hadn't planned on anyone seeing them. The heaviness in my chest told me that things were terribly wrong and that it would be foolish to drive myself, or have my son drive me to the hospital. After waking Eric up and calling 911 I waited for the paramedics. Eric was worried but calm as I told him it was going to be OK. He followed the ambulance to the Emergency Room where I
experienced the most incredible thing --- no waiting. It seems that my heart rate, by then maintaining 220
bpm, got me a free pass around the registration desk. immediately I had four nurses and two doctors and my own private suite with lots of beeping stuff. The doctor told me I was running a marathon. I thought, "that's dumb, if I were a marathon runner my
heart rate would never get this high". After several attempts to slow my heart, like making me hold my breath and cough real hard, they went for the crash cart and put large adhesive things on my chest just in case they had to use the paddles. The
Dr explained that they were going to give me an IV med. that was going to make me feel very
strange. I would feel faint and like my heart was stopping (which it probably was) but that the odd sensations would pass quickly. Hopefully, one dose would do it. and it did. since I am such a cool single lady, I guess. When my heart rate dropped to 140 and then 120 everyone seemed relieved, including me. My son was able to come into the room and we talked a while about who I needed to call to get out of my responsibilities later that morning.
By 6am I was home in my own bed. I was tired but strangely at peace. The thing I had feared most about being single had happened. I faced a crisis alone. Granted, my son was there, but I never turned to him for comfort and encouragement, he's too young to be put in that position. I had peace through that storm. I was cool. But I was not alone. I felt God's presence all around me. A simple worship song I'd been singing and playing on the piano all week
serenaded me as I rode in the ambulance and into the bright lights of the trauma room. It goes like this:
Oh no, you never let go,
through the calm, through the storm,
oh no you never let go every high and every low,
oh no you never let go ,
Lord you never let go of me.
Maybe this is the secret of these cool single women: Jesus right by their side. He never leaves us no matter what kind of craziness happens. He's there for warmth and comfort. No one is out of his reach, except for fictional characters or statues set in odd places. But those of us made of flesh, who have had our hearts trampled a time or two, have someone who holds us no matter where we end up. We're never really alone.
